When You Just Want to Get Married… But Everyone Has an Opinion
10 Common Ways Family Oversteps—and How to Handle It with Grace
We've been seeing a lot of posts on Facebook lately from couples struggling with family stepping in and trying to control different aspects of their wedding. From dictating who gets invited to debating dress codes and menus, it’s easy to feel like your wedding is no longer yours.
So we wanted to share our two cents—not as wedding planners, but as two people who went through it ourselves and now get to photograph others on the same journey.
Image Courtesy of Tom Morales
Sometimes the best response to wedding drama is simple: “I don’t care about your opinion.”
Whether you’re planning a 200-guest bash or an elopement in 30 days, your day should reflect you. No apologies, no pressure—just real love, your way.
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If you're ready to get married your way, without the pressure or expectations—we understand. We've been there too. Book a photographer who gets it, supports your vision, and captures the day the way it actually felt.
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Our “No Plan” Wedding
When Steph and I got married, we didn’t have a Pinterest board. We didn’t hire a planner. We barely had a budget. Honestly, we just wanted it to be done so we could finally start our lives together.
Our version of an elopement came together in under 30 days.
Steph found a lace dress in the garment district in L.A. I already had way too many clothes from years working in retail. I borrowed a blazer from a friend and that was that.
We didn’t have a lot of money, but we had love—and thankfully, Steph’s parents were incredibly supportive. They helped us out with catering and invited family and friends. Before we knew it, we were married.
Was it perfect? No.
Was it ours? 100%.
And that’s what made it beautiful.
Family Overreach: The Real Talk
Not everyone is lucky enough to have family who supports without stepping over boundaries. We’ve seen it with some of our own clients—what starts out as excitement from loved ones turns into stress, pressure, and guilt.
Here are a few common patterns we’ve seen—and what might help if you’re facing them:
1. The Guest List Gets Hijacked
Suddenly your intimate ceremony has 100 people you barely know.
What might help:
Say something like, “We want this day to be really meaningful to us. We’re keeping it small, but we’ll plan something after to celebrate with everyone.”
2. Parents Want to Be in Control Because They’re Paying
This one’s tricky. Money = control, right?
What might help:
Be upfront early. “We’re so grateful for your support, but we really want the wedding to reflect who we are as a couple. Are you okay with that?”
If they’re not—then it might be worth scaling back and paying for it yourselves. (Even if that means lace dresses and borrowed blazers.)
3. Unsolicited Advice From Everyone
Aunt Karen thinks your beach wedding idea is “tacky.” Uncle Joe wants to DJ.
What might help:
Smile. Nod. Don’t debate. Keep your plans close to the chest until the day arrives. You’re not obligated to share your vision with everyone ahead of time.
4. Feeling Like You’re Letting People Down
You will. And that’s okay.
You’re not building a wedding for everyone else. You’re building a marriage. That’s what lasts.
5. “It’s Tradition” Gets Thrown Around Like a Trump Card
Sometimes “tradition” is used to guilt couples into doing things that don’t align with who they are.
What might help:
Ask: “Is this something you truly care about, or just what’s always been done?”
Then decide as a couple if it aligns with your values. You can always honor tradition in a new way—or not at all.
6. Someone Tries to Rewrite the Dress Code
You say casual and comfy. They say tuxes and ball gowns. And suddenly, people are shopping for red carpets, not your vows.
What might help:
Send out a clear dress code on invites and reiterate it with humor:
"The vibe is backyard champagne, not black-tie ballroom—come comfy, come happy."
7. They Want to Invite an Ex (Yep, It Happens)
We’ve heard this one more than once: “Well, they’re still close with the family...” Cue the awkward.
What might help:
Set a firm boundary. “We’re focusing on inviting people who support us as a couple.”
No further explanation needed.
8. Venue Choices Get Questioned Hard
You love a courthouse, beach, or intimate Airbnb—but others act like it's too “low-key” or “not fancy enough.”
What might help:
Own your decision. “We picked a place that feels like us. We’d love you to be there, but we totally understand if it’s not your vibe.”
(Spoiler: most people still show up, and end up loving it.)
9. Family Is Pushing for a Flower Girl (But You’re Not Feeling It)
You didn’t plan for one. Maybe you don’t know a kid close enough. Maybe you just don’t want the added coordination or stress. And suddenly, someone’s volunteering their niece, granddaughter, or toddler—and now you feel bad saying no.
What might help:
Kindly respond with: “We’ve decided to keep things simple and skip that tradition. We hope she can be a guest and celebrate with us though!”
You’re not obligated to include roles that don’t make sense for your day. You can still honor little ones in other ways—like gifting them a small treat bag or letting them join you for a photo.
10. They Want to Turn It Into a Family Reunion
You invite a few close relatives—and suddenly, your wedding becomes a catch-all for every distant cousin and friend of a friend.
What might help:
Draw a clear line: “We’re keeping it intentionally small so we can actually spend time with everyone. We hope you understand.”
Our Advice: Focus on the Life After the Wedding
At the end of the day, a wedding is one day. A marriage is every day after.
Steph and I didn’t remember every detail of our wedding, but we remember how ready we were to move forward, to take that leap together.
We get to see a lot of weddings now—big and small, over-the-top and DIY—and the most beautiful ones? They’re the ones where the couple looks relieved. Relaxed. In love.
Not perfect. Just present.
Bonus: Bridal Party Not Showing Up or Getting Fitted (And It’s 30 Days Out)
You're down to the wire. The wedding is around the corner. And someone still hasn’t gotten their outfit, RSVP’d, or responded to the group chat.
What might help:
Send one final message:
"Hey just checking in—our wedding is only a few weeks away and we're locking in everything. If you’re unable to be part of the bridal party or it’s too much right now, that’s totally okay. We just need to know so we can plan accordingly. No hard feelings either way."
Sometimes, giving people a graceful exit is the kindest thing you can do—for them and for your peace of mind.
Final Thoughts: You Get to Choose Peace Over Pressure
Let’s be real—your wedding is supposed to reflect your love story, not become a battleground for family dynamics or group expectations.
Steph and I didn’t have much of a plan, but we knew one thing: we were doing it for us. And honestly, that was enough.
So whether you're eloping quietly, throwing a backyard bash, or navigating family opinions every step of the way, here’s your permission slip:
Skip the roles that don't make sense.
Set boundaries early and clearly.
Ask for help where you need it—but don’t hand over the steering wheel.
And when it all gets to be too much, come back to why you’re doing this.
Because weddings are beautiful, but marriages are better.
And the best way to start one?
With clarity, love, and a little less noise.
